Wednesday, January 6, 2010

6 January 1956 “The Question of Normalcy, a Lady’s Jewel Box, and YOUR Style.”

coco The great Coco Chanel’s popular saying was look in the mirror before you go out and take something off.

For her time and social/economic class this held true (and might still hold true for for formal functions today) but for the masses, it should almost be the opposite. For we Apronites it should be: “Check in the mirror before you go out and put something on” that is a pin or scarf of hat or maybe, today, you try those gloves.

What is normal is relative.

old bathing costumes This was once considered risqué and then became normal beach attire. If we wore it today we would look odd, but only by the context of those around us. But, if we chose to wear it and were proud of it, would it cease to be silly or odd? I think yes. Because, if it did not then we would have to say to ourselves, right now, “What others think DOES matter”. And really that should be true in our forms of conversation and habits, but if we are not dressing to specifically ‘offend’ (which by the way IS a valid form of dress in the modern world especially with the younger set)than there can be  no harm in wearing vintage or wearing ‘more’ on a daily basis, as it becomes YOUR normal. Then those bareheaded ladies, gloveless in jeans or pajama bottoms become odd to you. So, who is right? Exactly, you both have the RIGHT to dress as you choose, thus it goes both ways.

We presently live in a world where this is normalhalloween girl for a 10 year old girl. Yes, this might be a Halloween costume, but is it normal for a 10 year old to wear that and those boots? Exactly.

woman with hat So, WEAR a full on vintage outfit and shun the stares as you smile in your own little world of YOUR NORMAL. Fill your jewel box with trinkets form the second hand store and then wear them. You will save them from the landfill and give yourself an entire world in which you CAN shop without feeling guilty. When one is living on a budget and can say, “I think I shall go out and get some jewels today” it feels as good as if they were rubies and diamonds. Those only have value because we, the human race, have assigned value to them. The same as gold or money. It is all a sham that we must all buy into, so therefore, it follows, we can make up our own rules in our own little worlds.

 woman at dressing table So, grab grannies old clip ons encrusted with faux pearls and jade and put them on, smile you are now stylish. Walk with pride and beam in your own happy NORMAL world where a lady wears pearls when she vacuums and has a lovely bit of sparkle she can wear every day!

We can make our own rules and world. Don’t let others dictate style, fashion or the way to think or buy. It is your life and your ‘normal’. It is this very thought that  makes me okay living in the modern world. I have learned that we do not have to just “Yearn” for the ‘good ole days’ we can simply bring them back to our own realities. We don’t have to wear what is out there now, or watch what is on TV or think what they tell us. We have the power to make, choose, decide and create our own little worlds. So, we should do so and I say let’s do it in style.

I think those with children should almost feel even more obligation to this way of thinking, for to teach your child the power and confidence to live their life to the beat of their own drum and to care about others feelings and situation in life, but not care for the opinions or stares of the world at large, is very important.

Thoreau said, “Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.”

Coco Chanel ALSO said, “a girl should be two things: classy and fabulous” and she also said,

“Fashion fades, only Style remains the same”.

So, you choose your normal; your STYLE and as long as you are confident, kind, and considerate you might be surprised who shows up at your house the next time following ‘YOUR STYLE”.

46 comments:

  1. Very well said. When i first started wearing vintage clothes it was quite uncomfortable for me having people staring wherever i went. But over time i grew more confident in myself and now the stares don't bother me. I wear what i want to wear, and if other think i am a little loopy, then that's their opinion. A lot of people i know say that they wish they were as brave as me with their personal style; i say they should forget about the opinions of others and to stop listening to the magazines and just be true to themselves.

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  2. Bravo! I try to convince my 10 year old daughter of this everyday.

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  3. LOVED your Post!!!!
    I'm a 50's child...and to me it was the best, in every way possible!
    Going to re think the jewelry selection next time I go out..THANKS! Happy Day!

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  4. Sigh. Yes yes yes... I keep saying to myself, the earrings! You forgot the earrings...

    Why is it that an entire outfit has gotten to be so... I don't know. Incomplete?

    Thanks for the reminder

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  5. It must be hard with children, though I suppose by example, if you yourself are fearless in this way and dress as you see appropriate without concern to 'high fashion' or 'sexy fashion' maybe your example will begin to wear off on her. You mother's are saints, in my book!

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  6. 50sgal-
    Would you please put a link to the new website in your sidebar?

    Thanks!

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  7. Hear, hear! (Again.) Though it felt odd at first to be wearing my vintage and my gloves out, now it feels odd not to. The stares, odd looks, and guffaws (from teenagers the vast majority of the time, though occasionally from a grown woman dressed in sweats and a greasy ponytail) don't really bother me now. My manner of dress is comfortable and normal to me, I am happy, not offending anyone...It's odd, thinking that we're all sort of 'rebels', looking so ladylike in skirts and gloves and hats and red lipstick! LOL Not exactly the rebellion our 60s forbears would be happy or expecting to see, that is for certain.

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  8. Hairball, do you mean put a link to the website on Blogger, because I would love to, but have no idea how to. Anyone want to help a 1955 gal out. I can put together a website but can't figure out how to do that! I am just taking a quick break before guests arrive. Meat is in oven, salad made, wine breathing, dessert done.

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  9. True, but we truly are rebels. How odd that we have to rebel against slack ways with neat hair, lipstick and skirts. But, apron revolution onward!

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  10. Donna, never stop reminding us of these simple facts. I un packed my pill box hats and wore one when I went to philly to see the Diana exhibit and walking down town many spoke out and said nice hat!

    That was all the proof I needed to know it was not too late for women to still look like real women.

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  11. I wear vintage-inspired clothing rather than actual vintage. I always receive compliments on my taste in clothing but people often ask me why I'm "so dressed up all the time." You see, here in Los Angeles, my "casual" is people's "dressed up." When we first moved back here, I was repeatedly horrified by people's lack of respect for a host and how they'd show up at a function (such as an artist's reception) wearing shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops. They'd ask me why I was so dressed up. I mean, hello! The artist went through a lot of work creating the artwork and the gallery went through a lot of work mounting the show and advertising it! The only way they could even come remotely close to redeeming themselves would be if they opened their checkbook and bought a piece that night.

    (Sorry for the rant. My Honey's a sculptor so I'm a bit sensitive about such things.)

    Anyway, back to the topic, when people ask me why I'm so dressed up and aren't I uncomfortable, etc., etc., I tell them that I am the most comfortable when I'm dressed.

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  12. I agree Dr. Julie-anne-Though I am sure the casual level is pretty high in CA. Here on the cape I get less stares this time of year as may are wearing gloves and hats, though mostly woolen skull caps and gloves, but you 'blend more'. IN the summer, however, it is casual. But, I agree, I now feel odd in my old clothes. Since the fateful day I took out my old clothes and put them on, I have not returned to them. I almsot laughed at my uggs when I saw them. I thought,'I wore these marshmnallows on my feet in the middle of summer while in the city, how stupid. What I did love about Boston, particularly the area we lived, though there were plenty of uggs and jeans (college students) there were rather alot of people, though not dressed in vintage, in heels and nice dresses and hose, sometimes hats but NEVER gloves. I wonder when that day come. Did people say in 1972 or thereabouts, suddenly simultaenously take off their gloves, put them away and never turn back? Odd, indeed.
    I really do think a part of that 'qaulity of life' that we deserve and can't get simple enjoyment from comes from the clothes and fashion we choose to wear. Every little bit, even the smallest things, can add up to a life well lived and loves. We don't have to all jump out of planes or skydive to feel alive, I feel a freefloating joy strutting down the snowy sidewalk in my hat, coat, and heels. Look out world, here I come!

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  13. What impresses me the most, 50s gal, is that you dress nicely even in the winter. I just have a hard time with it. Here in the Midwest it seems like there is snow and ice on the ground from December to March and with it comes snow boots and heavy coats. I can't see myself putting on a cute skirt, like I do in the summer, and then trudge around in clunky snow boots. I've looked for cute ones but the ones I've found never have a good sole for the elements.

    When I worked downtown and had to wear suits everyday I'd wear my boots and change into my work shoes at the office. All of us women, and some of the men, did as we took public transportation. On particularly cold days I'd wear sweatpants under my skirt to keep my legs warm. I just can't see changing into real shoes to run into the grocery - and where would I do it? In
    my car, which defeats the purpose of wearing the boots.

    So in the depths of winter I succumb to my version of being "dressed": nice jeans or pants, a blouse or turtleneck and a sweater. And make up, styled hair, and jewelry. Not dressed up but much better than work out clothes and pajama pants.

    I once read Coco Chanel's biography. She was a fascinating woman.

    S

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  14. Oh, how I love your attitude! Very true on the strangely “normal” way the kids dress these days. This statement hits the nail on the head. “We can make our own rules and world. Don’t let others dictate style, fashion or the way to think or buy. It is your life and your ‘normal’.”

    So, as this first week of the new year comes to a close, do you find yourself at all chomping at the bit to do things that you didn’t allow yourself in 1955?

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  15. Sarah H. - Have you gotten any of this crazy snow we have gotten here? 26 inches and counting. They said 3-5 more inches today. I am so tired of it...and the shoveling.

    I couldn't agree more on this post (and with Sarah H.). Funny, but did anyone else notice that the swim wear from the turn of the century type era looked alot like the formal dress of the youngster? I have been spending time thinking about and working towards teaching my daughter about fashion and clothing. I love old movies, and when I watch them, I will point out the clothing to her and show her how lovely a well dressed woman can be. I also show her when I see things that are horrendous, and tell her WHY it is awful.

    On youtube, there is a series of 3 mini videos (all part of one insturction) about grooming and fashion for girls. A woman teaches at a school about hair and make-up. I was watching it with my daughter, and she LOVED it. I will continue to watch it with her in the mornings before she has to leave for school. Something to think about as she rides the bus and sees the others clothin choices.

    And yes, Sarah H. I loathe winter time and fashion. There is a blog called "Freelancer's Fashionblog". She did a post call the "Anatomy of Dressing when it is Realy Really Cold". She lives in Helsinki, Finland, and it gets massively cold there. It was a wonderful post and you mught find it worth a glance. She has some neat fashion choices and hair styles as well. Boots are a major issue. It is very hard to find ones that look nice and are warm. I am on the lookout right now for a new pair.

    Lastly, following Zebu's thought...is there anything else you have done (besides trying on last years clothes) that you have just went "pftt", I like 1955 way better?

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  16. Sarah-I can sympathise. Though we are having record lows for our area and there is a little snow on the ground, it is not like where you live I am sure. What I do, when there is alot of snow or rain, is I wear my wellies. I cannot find (in my size of course)The vintage boots or 'rubbers' they used to have. They were darling zip ups, fir topped and a place to put your high heel in! So, I go with what I have. Yet, even with my wellies and stockings and a skirt and a slip and a petticoat (if it is a full skirt) and my girdle in addition I have made a 'wool' wardrobe, so it is like wearing a blanket. I actually find it warmer than having my legs separated by two 'tubes' of fabric. If I am doing activity outdoors, such as sledding/coasting I wore troussers of course. I also am more tolerant of cold weather. I was having a discussion about this very thing the other day with a friend of mine who is 'always cold', but I have very good circulation. I keep the house very cold when I am home alone to save on heating bills. My old kitchen is insulted (sort of) and closed off from the heated part of the house, so when I get up in the morning it is very cold in there. I am just used to it. WE joke that my morning kitchen routine is more 1900 than 1950, with the cold breath you can see and it can feel like walking in from outside going into the dining room from the kitchen. But, once I get the stove going and the coffee brewing I rather like.
    I seem to have got a bit off topic...ah, yes, dresses in winter. So, as I said, we never get -10 degree weather. For the most part it is in the 30-40's with some rain and then a day of snow and cold and then 40 again, but this year it has been in the 20's which is very cold for us, but still I wear the skirts. I think, as I said in this post, it is just my 'normal' now I don't think about it. And in fact doing my research for 55 I would often see ladies bundles in cold storms, even windy cold city days, in their skirts, stockinged legs and little fur boots. I remeber my mother telling me she was never allowed to wear 'slacks' (this was as a teen in the early 40's)but once a year. That was at a dance at the local country club, I can't recall what it was called (and I can't ask her as she has Alzheimers) but it was a sort of 'hunt theme' and the ladies were allowed to wear slacks and their brothers/fathers hunting shirts and coats. The rest of the year, they world thermal underware/long johns under their skirts. She told me that her mother made sure she had them on as they left for school, but she would stop behind a tree and push them up so her stockinged legs would show as she went to school because she didn't like to have the thermals show, and I guess every girl did this and then of course, removed the thermals once at school. I don't want anyone getting frostbite, my goodness, but yes, even in winter. And I LOVE coats so winter is a wonderful time as I do have quite a collection. I even have a lovely vintage mink my hubby got be in 1955 for valentines day ( I think I blogged about it and have a picture of me wearing it). I don't want to nor think I really can go back to the 'old way of dressing'. But, to each his own.

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  17. Don't get me started on vintage jewellery! :)
    I have been collecting vintage jewellery, mainly from the fifties, for some years now:
    http://samati.dk/fotos/smykker_uk.htm

    I always wear a earrings, a pin and a bracelet. My favourites are confetti lucite button clip earrings from the fifties and charm bracelets, especially themed charm bracelet. If I'm wearing a V-neck blouse or dress I skip the pin and wear a pearl necklace or another nice necklace. Never necklace and pin at the same time - don't overdo it.

    I also collect seasonal and holiday jewellery, so I always wear something matching the season, holiday or the colour or style of my outfit. Today, I'm wearing a snowflake charm bracelet, because we're having snow here in Denmark.

    I always get many nice compliments for my jewellery. And it is still possible to find vintage jewellery at fair prices, especially if you go for look not for brands.

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  18. I adore your blog. I guess what I enjoy most are the simple little tidbits & reminders for bringing the 1950s into everyday life. When you were doing your "experiment 1955 year" I enjoyed reading bout all of your everyday "discoveries" eg cooking eggs in bacon fat, and using glass bottles for milk; life truly is in the details. As much as I enjoy looking at your website, I find myself gravitating more and more toward your blog for a glimpse into the 1950s from someone who has enjoyed "living" there. Keep up the good work!

    *Kindred Spirit*

    PS Your dinner party menu sounded divine....

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  19. Oh, I just love this post! I would love to dress in more vintage inspired clothing. The trouble I have is with my husband's thinking on this matter. He firmly believes that a person should dress for the occasion, and that would not mean being "dressed up" all the time. Dressing up, whether a dress/skirt, or dressy slacks is for going out for dinner/party/special function, sweats/workout clothes are for when you exercise, jeans/shorts are for casual wear, doing day to day stuff. He finds it odd when I wear something that doesn't "fit" the ocassion. I tried wearing dresses/skirts for regular wear and he didn't like it. To him, that looks odd, and not appropriate to the ocassion/situation. He also thinks it's odd simply because it looks out of place/date, meaning woman don't normally wear dresses/skirts for casual wear anymore. I could continue to wear clothes like that, and he wouldn't try to stop me because he's not one to try and force me to do things his way, but I have a hard time doing that because I know he doesn't really like it, and being my husband, I want to him to like what I'm wearing, etc. The only thing I can think of doing would be to find modern looking, vintage styled clothing that is more casual so that I blend in more. Then, as he got used to it, it wouldn't seem odd. But, as I said, I would need to do it in the most subtle way to begin with or I'll be dead in my tracks this time around as well.

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  20. PL-you could try, for example, on a 'casual day' or affair, instead of jeans or shorts, wear Capri or 'cigarette' pants in a nice hue, and instead of a t-shirt a nice summer weight fifties short sleeved knit top (like the type with the little zipper at the back fo the neck, sort of mock turtleneck) then a vintage bangle, maybe some 50 inspired ballet flats and a cute vintage scarf around your neck and chunky earrings. This could look very casual yet feel quite stylish. I don't think we need to wear a 'costume' (although what could be considered a costume has become to me, quite normal) but that way you could start getting hubby/ used to the idea. Maybe get some really flirty feminine aprons, so when you are cleaning in trousers and a t-shirt (make it a sold color and put a vintage pin on or a simple strand of pearls) and have your feminine full apron on over your casual clothes as you clean. You will feel light and beautiful and hubby will get more used to the idea. Now, I certainly am all for 'wearing the right thing to the occasion'. I would never wear a full tulle skirt strapless evening gown to an afternoon outdoor summer party, but even a barbeque in the summer is an appropriate place to wear a dress or skirt, just a lighter weight cotton skirt, no hose, flats and a cardigan with a small pin around your shoulders, maybe a scarf for your neck or tied to your handbag. Do any of these sound like 'DOABLE' ideas? I am thankful that hubby loves me in vintage clothes and dresses.
    Today when I met him and our friends for lunch I wore my tweed pencil skirt with a black cowl neck sweater over that with 3/4 sleeves and a pin at the neck. A belt around my waist over the sweater which sat over the skirt, all very form fitting (thank goodness for the ole' girdle) hose of course, black shoes, a clack velvet beret ,had my vintage cat eye sunglasses on a bracelet, of course vintage bag and by black shearling coat with the black fur collar. He sais I looked elegant and glamorous. And, of course, held doors and pulled out chairs for me. My friend said I looked like an 'old movie star'. I felt good and it feels rather normal.

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  21. Oh, I just love that, 50sgal! You sound so beautifully put together. I really wish we got to see you in all your outfits. I do wear aprons all the time. That's the one thing I can wear that wouldn't seem out of place because I'm usually cooking or cleaning when I'm wearing it, and that's not "out of place". One of the reasons why I like to wear my aprons is because they make me feel more feminine and they cover up my jeans, which, in a small way, makes me feel more like I'm wearing a skirt. I do like your idea of wearing capris though. At least those would not be jeans and capris are definitely still worn these days. Do you, or anybody else, know of any online sites where they show a lot of 50s fashions that I could look through and maybe find a few style that I could make work? I feel a vintage shopping trip coming on. If I find anything, I can e-mail you a picture. Maybe you could give me tips along the way. I hope my efforts prove to be helpful to those of you who are in the same predicament as I am.

    Thank you for your encouragment and ideas.

    P.S. - I remember Doris Day wearing some cute outfits in some of her movies. I can do an internet image search on Doris Day and see what outfits of hers I might be able to replicate.

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  22. Maybe we should do a page of just images of 1950s outfits and divide it into casual, formal, sunday/church, going to the city that sort of thing. That would just be a fun way to have a collection of photos. I like it! It just keeps growing. Then in time we can add more to the links page for shopping ideas and links.

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  23. I am having trouble with our DSL and may have to switch to CABLE internet so if I suddenly dissapear for a few days, that is why. I hope we can have a seamless transition, but we shall see.

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  24. I think that a great idea! Would you like me to pass along images that I find?

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  25. Lorrie said, "Funny, but did anyone else notice that the swim wear from the turn of the century type era looked alot like the formal dress of the youngster?"

    I didn't think of this until I read your comment! What an insightful observation. As to your weather question, no we didn't get near 26 inches but it's snowed lightly all day. I got out and shoveled too but you can't tell now. I love the beautiful fresh snow- covers up all the cruddy dirty ice and snow that was left from last time. Are you and your family ok? Staying home I hope.

    PL, I think a cute cotton skirt and feminine t-shirt or polo style top is perfect for casual occasions (like running errands or light house cleaning) and is in the current style, at least in the summer. As I mentioned, I have trouble dressing stylishly in the winter. I also will wear cropped or capri pants and a cute cotton blouse or polo shirt with sandals, ballet flats or nice flip flops. I'd love to wear cigarette pants but I don't have the figure. I remember seeing an episode of Mad Men where Betty was wearing them with a nice blouse and cardigan for a lazy Sunday at home. Even in the early 60's casual clothes were nicer than most people to go out into the world.

    Donna, interesting about your kitchen. We are remodeling our kitchen soon and have to remove a radiator, which will be replaced with "toe kick" radiators under the bottom cabinets. But we considered a "cooker" type of European stove that stays on all the time sort of like a wood burning stove but it's gas. (You adjust the temperature by putting the food into a different oven, there are 4, or from the "hot plate" to the "simmering plate".) It makes sense your kitchen is cold, considering the age of your home. Thanks for the ideas (and sympathy) regarding my troubles in dressing for winter. I love the idea of a little fur bootie. I remember my mother said she wore "petti-pants", sort of like an extra slip but split like gauchos, in the winter when she lived in New York. She said they're not made anymore, and this was back in the early 1990's. Sad because now people who'd like to have them to wear skirts and dresses in the winter can't.

    PL, there are lots of casual skirts out there. You just have to look. I found a nice one at Ann Taylor Loft last summer and Boden, a British catalog company always has them. I've noticed even when I'm just wearing one with a fitted t-shirt people I'm in contact with are generally polite and men seem to notice. Not that I'm doing this for attention but it's pleasant to have doors held for me and offers of help putting groceries in my car. I'm not saying it wouldn't happen if I were wearing shorts and a t-shirt but it hasn't happened as often.

    S

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  26. PL, I don't mean to push the skirt the issue (as opposed to "skirting" the issue, haha) but I just checked on Boden for their Spring collection and there are some darling skirts that I'd consider casual enough to fir the occasion of everyday life. Here's a link:

    http://www.bodenpreview.com/en-US/Womens-Skirts/Knee-Length-Skirts.html#nav

    They're a bit pricey in my opinion but very good quality. I treat myself to one a summer and add it into the rotation. Even those I bought 4 years ago are in great shape and wash well.

    Lorrie, I forgot to thank you for that blog suggestion. So, thanks!

    S

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  27. I remember wearing a pair of red rubbers to school. They were so practical; I never see them around anymore.

    We, too, have had lots of cold and snow here. I love it! Yesterday only showed -10, but it seemed much colder. Winter has become my new favorite season as of the past couple of years. I never thought I would hear myself saying that in times past. It is such a cozy time of year what with sitting inside a warm home with a candle burning. Night time beings a comfy bed with lots of quilts. There is no yard work to worry about in the winter, and as my son commented today, it quiets the world down a bit. The early dark used to bother me; now it is a comfort—a time to wind down and turn inward.

    I was out tonight with my pup getting some exercise. It is below zero, but I was well-bundled and actually worked up a bit of a sweat. The sky was lovely and everything was so serene.

    50sgal,

    In reference to you being more comfortable in skirts warmth-wise. I found the opposite to be true as well. We went on a pioneer trek one year, so of course I wore the bonnet and pioneer dress. It was amazing how much cooler I was in a long dress than in jeans. It took me quite by surprise.

    Your outfit sounds so fun! When you’re able, I would love to see more pictures of what you wear. Oh, just read your post about having a link for 50s-fashion images. That would be wonderful!

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  28. A page with photos of fifties outfit divided into categories will be GREAT! :) I would love to get much more inspiration.

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  29. Sarah,

    Thank you for the ideas and link. I think if I were to throw in a skirt once a week, I could get away with it. At this point, I think that when he sees me wearing a skirt on a regular day, he's suspicious and wondering if I'm going to do it more often, and wonders where it's all heading. I think I just need to be more gradual whereas before I wasn't; I just started wearing them on a regular basis and I think is was too much at once for him to get used to. I'll get it figured out somehow, because I'm tired of jeans. To my credit though, I have several nice blouses/tops for my jeans so that I still look nice and not just frumpy in jeans and t-shirts, although I have days where I do throw on jeans and t-shirts, but in general I do still try to "dress up" when wearing jeans.

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  30. I think, if I were you PL, I would ask your husband, what about skirts upsets him? Jeans, pants, skirts, dresse, all are just cloth that covers our body, if they don't 'matter' then why does it matter if it is jeans or dresses and if it DOES matter, WHY does it matter. It just seems odd to me that he should be so against them. I wonder if he had a tyranical school marm of old who wore skirts and lace up nurses shoes and thrased him with her yardstick or something funny like that. It would be interesting to find out, huh? Maybe it is from your own generation, maybe skirts were seen to 'old ladyish' or something. Now I am curious!

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  31. Boy, 50sgal, your very perceptive and hit the nail on the head...almost. You are very close; you just named the wrong person. I know exactly what the reason is, I was just trying to avoid saying it. The reason being, it was homeschoolers that created this negative reaction in my husband, and as I know there are many homeschooler who read your blog, I did not want them to take it personally and be offended, as it obviously was not them who we dealt with. So, all you lovely homeschoolers who are reading, I know our situation does not automatically include all homeschoolers, and that you would/will probably be offended knowing of our situation and the stigma that good homeschoolers sometimes have to deal with as a result of a minor group of homeschoolers.

    Well, to get to it. We are very faithful Christians, and we have had several run-ins with Christian homeschool families at the last place we lived. They were/are the group of homeschoolers that some refer to as Extremist Christian Homeschoolers. They were very adamant that if were good parents, we would/should homeschool our kids. As my husband and I did not agree with what they said, we naturally continued on the path God has our family on. Well, because we did not do "their will" for our family, several of the families stopped talked to us, being sure to insult us in our last conversations with them, not being charitable in any way shape or form in our disagreement. There was one mother who truly did try to change our minds in a charitable way, but for the most part, our experience with homeschoolers has been negative. We appreciated that they did recognize our faithfulness to begin with, which I guess is what created an initial connection, but once they realized we were not on the same page with them in regards to homeschooling, our faithfulness no longer mattered to them, because, apparently, our refusal to homeschool our kids showed a lack of faithfulness to God in their eyes(with the assumption that God's desire for all "good" Christians is that they homeschool their children). The connection to dresses/skirts? These homeschoolers were the type that only wear dresses/skirts because of their belief that that is the appropriate modest wear for women.

    Sooooo, after being so offended, and hurt, by fellow Christians (the women who only wear dresses) my husband has a very negative association to "every day dresses" because of that negative experience. He now associates dressing that way with extremist Christian homeschoolers. For my part, maybe it's because I'm a woman and like dresses/skirts, I can separate the two out. I know that not all Christian homeschoolers are like that, but hubby still has a hard time with me looking like them in any way because of that negative association. He doesn't have a problem with me wearing dresses/skirts when we are dressing up for something because that's "normal" in our society as a whole, whereas wearing dresses for everyday wear still carries that connection to the homeschoolers that hurt and offended us so badly.

    Continued...

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  32. So, 50sgal, there you have it. That's why he has such a hard time with it, and the tyrannical school marm in reality is/was the tyrannical Christian homeschoolers we came across. I was actually surprised at how close your guess was.

    Having said all that, I beg those of you who homeschool not to take that as a finger being pointed at you. It truly is not. As I said before, I know that many homeschoolers are not like this and that our experience is not a reflection of all of you. I also know many homeschoolers who understand that each family needs to do what's right for them and know that not homeschooling is not some sort of proof that they are not truly faithful to God. I just want to you understand that I have no problem with you being a homeschooler and I'm not going to think ill of you if you mention that you are a homeschooler. After all, if you are doing what is right for your family, there's nothing for me to be upset about because I don't feel that homeschooling is "wrong", just another opportunity for families to use what’s available to them in order to help them do what is best for their family.

    The reality I face is that it will take time for my hubby to get used to dresses/skirts on me without them creating that negative reaction in him.

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  33. PL, I'm so sorry you and your family had this experience. How awful. We are not a homeschooling family and I've never met those who are negative about us not home schooling. But I haven't met many home schooling families. Some people just feel like their way is the ONLY way whether it's about home schooling or other personal choices.

    How about if you wore a really mini skirt?? What would your hubby say? And would you like it? I wore nice skorts for a while because I thought I looked like the babysitter when I took the kids to the park wearing shorts and a t-shirt. It's a subtle difference. Sometimes my hubby has commented that I looked very religious (Not that we have an issue with those who choose to be so but we are more relaxed about our religious life.) if I wore a long skirt, even if it's a casual one. Or he'll ask why I'm "dressed up" but it's only because he's noticed that I'm wearing a nicer casual outfit than I usually wear. What my hubby doesn't really like is me wearing an apron. He thinks they're matronly but I wear them anyway to protect my clothes. Not to imply I'm disrespectful to my husband but this opinion is out of his jurisdiction.

    I think your idea of wearing one every week or so is a good one. Since you know it brings up negative feelings of the past can you find skirts or dresses that are different in style to those the pushy homeschoolers wore? Or do you like their style?

    Good luck with this. There are so many cute skirts out there I hope you can figure it out before they're "out" of style again. I remember looking for casual summer skirts 6 or 7 years ago and there were just none- unless I wanted to wear a "clubbing" type of mini skirt.

    S

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  34. PL-First off, I want to say, I am sorry and I hope I did not 'force' your hand. I was only half serious when I mentioned the school marm. I do thank you for sharing, for I think it a good lesson to any and all of us. We all believe and think differently. In fact, our country was founded on that belief that we have the RIGHT to do so. Now, as ladies and gentleman, not men and women, we should ALWAYS remember to treat others as we wish to be treated. I am surprised that members of a church should be so adamant about their own particular form of worship within that same church should act thus. Whenever I see ill behaved or rude atitudes of any type it apalls an surprises me. If others think differently that should not affect how WE treat each other, as human beings. I hope any of you out there, rather christian or not, homeschooler or not, SAH or not, will and do, when encountering those things 'different' from your norm, have the decency and respect to act kindly and as a lady. For, those who may laugh at US for our vintage clothes or ideals, do we wish to be like them in action and deed? I think not. But, I have a feeling that we, as we have begun to think about life, what is important and how we should conduct our daily activites, would think before acting. There is nothing I find more rude or Childish than standing on 'your side of the fence' and flinging mud. I always go back to protesters. Certainly protesting certain aspects we wish to change is part of our American spirit, but the ill-bred shouting manner it has taken on is nothing more than rudeness without any attempt at changing minds. Does one really think to get their point across by shouting and pointing. Has anyone EVER encountered someonw who has been shouted at or mud slung and see them suddenly, with the mud across their face stop and say, "Ah, yes, I think I shall agree with you, I mean look how wonderfully you are all assembled here, with your hate-filled signs and shouts, how I long to EMULATE that!" No. So, I suppose my point is that we should always try first and foremost to not offend. If we feel it is our 'business' at a certain moment to try and 'convince' another into our way of thinking I have to say, again and again, there is NO BETTER TEACHING method than example. It is fine to stand and shout or sit and gossip about how one 'should live' but another to happily live it yourself, keep your opinions where they belong, in private company or nicely put on your blog, and if your way is a 'good' way others will see that way and wish to emulate it. No one has ever been convinced by chastisement or conjoling. And were they, would you want someone then to only go along with your group because you twisted their hand in the matter? If the sincerity is not in their heart does in matter or is it just to have another 'yea sayer' amongst you.
    So, I too, wish to offend NO one, but I, in turn, wish others to try not to offend in their own lives.

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  35. Now, as to your husband, I think I would take the time, if you honestly want to dress how you like, and say, "Hubby, now let's don't be silly. If I started wearing greasy overalls every day would that make me a mechanic? Or a nurses uniform, would I then be a nurse? Take on their actions? Non. What you wear can express who you would like to be, but why it was nice once that to be 'nicely groomed' rather it was a Dior or homemade WAS a way to say, 'I am a civilized member of a civilized socitey'. But, now we are so convinced that we are in 'groups' of people. I am a goth so I must dress this way, A preppy this way, a homeschooler this way. When, quite honestly, we should all dress to look nice for the consideration of others as well as ourselves, but I feel this is just another element of our modern consumer society. One can sell more clothes if groups are broken up so that we can become demographics easily sold to.
    So, I wish to offend no one, as I said, but let us, we Apronites, make it a priority to also not offend.

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  36. Thank you for the support, Ladies. It's not that he thinks my wearing skirts will turn me into that type of person, it's just the feelings it evokes in him. He doesn't want to be reminded of those homeschoolers every time he looks at me. I think the rub we have with the look of the clothes is that I love vintage looking clothes, and some of the dresses that I'm drawn to do look old fashioned vintage, and the homeschoolers that I was talking about tend to dress more old fashioned vs. wearing modern clothes. That's why I think if I can find clothes that have a modern vintage feel I would do fine, and throw in an occasional dress/skirt that's doesn't say "old fashioned", he would get used to it, especially as time passes and we are further away from what we went through.

    I actually went the thrift store after our conversation started just to see what I could find. I found two pair of capri pants that are quite cute. One pair is black and white, the white part being huge daisy type flowers as the pattern. The other pair is a type of plaid that has brown, red, cream, and I think a light purple in it. The funny thing is, they are sized petite, so they fit me as capris (I'm 5'7"). The plaid pair isn't quite short enough so I'll need to take them up a little, but they fit great otherwise. Now, I just need to find some blouses to go with them. I also found a darling yellow handbag that I can wear with the black and white capris for a touch of yellow color. My daughter has a cute necklace that matches the color of the purse.

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  37. PL, What cute finds! I wish I could wear patterned fitted pants like the capris you described. I'm too hippy for them but solid colors look ok. I think either of those would look darling with a sleeveless solid blouse or polo style top. I saw a few of them last summer at LL Bean, I think. Have fun with them.

    S

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  38. They would look lovely with short sleeve tops and a scarf around the neck as well. I always follow the rule, myself, of flats with pants heels with skirts (or flats with skirts if I am in a more casual setting) I think, maybe because I am so tall, that heels with pants (at least thin 50s style cigarette/capri/pedal pusher pants, can look a little 'cheap'. What are all your opinions on that matter?

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  39. I guess that they can look cheap. I did that to one of my class reunions and still look back on it with dismay for looking so cheap...*blush*

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  40. I don't mean to call anyone cheap, by any means, I was asking all of your opinion and wondering, am I being silly or do you think that a 'good rule'?

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  41. I think it's a good rule, but I don't think wearing heels of an appropriate height with pants is cheap. Although stilettos may be pushing it a bit. I usually wear flats with both skirts, dresses, capris, jeans, or any nice pants. I only wear pumps or heels to funerals, weddings, other religious events or services, or if I were working I would wear them there, assuming the workplace required real business attire. But as my life is pretty casual I wear nice ballet flats or loafers most of the time. Or unfortunately snow boots. Blah!

    S

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  42. i am just now seeing this, and i would like to apologize to you, PL, on behalf of all homeschoolers everywhere. we are christians, and we are homeschoolers, and i am sorry that the legalistic bent of some has given the whole lot a bad name. i would never, EVER, look down on a woman, or a family, just because they chose another schooling option, and certainly not another dressing option....!!! christianity is about GRACE, first and foremost, and i find it very sad that you were shown so little. i don't mean to prosyletize, so i will stop on that topic. but i know exactly what you mean about the "homeschool mom uniform". i am here to tell you that i run from it like the plague too...and there are many many skirts and dresses that do not fit that description! :) happily, i see that you are finding a middle ground. i wear skirts a lot, and have found that fabric and length are what separate the styles. i am sure you will find something that fits your personality and also your husband's.
    also, i was interested in the comments about cold weather dressing...i wish i had your internal furnace, '50's gal!! i, too, am a midwestern popsicle and have a hard time being dressy in the winter. i have been on the hunt, of late, for thick tights, and long warm skirts. i am getting there.
    thanks for a most interesting and thought provoking set of comments, girls.

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  43. Oh, Kelly, there's no need to apologize for what others did. I thank you for your kindness though; it was very thoughtful of you. I just want to assure all of you that I don't have a bad impression of all homeschoolers just because of our experience. I know it was just an unfortunate situation.

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  44. very well said guys! i share this story to my girlfriend.

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  45. Style = Cary Grant. Class. Sophistication. Timeless. He could STILL come out wearing a suit from one of his 1950's films and it be completely current and IN STYLE. That man knew how to dress!

    As for the women - Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Ingrid Bergman to name a few... They could still pull off the ultimate in style and class from back in the day.

    Am enjoying reading your blog! VIVA IL 50's!

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