I have been worried of late. Not about myself, so much, but just little bits of everything. I am overall quite happy, actually rather content with my life. My time travel has turned out to be one of the smartest things I have attempted. Yet, here happy working in my yard and home, I have been worried about my posts and my blog. That documentation which began like a secret diary to my adventures and then become happily shared by many now has an odd sting in its tail. I find now, especially as I am trying to post more, that as I notice the vast reduction in comments an almost anxiety. Did I do something wrong? Am I not entertaining or are my antics boring? Have I, like most modern things, simply used up my few minutes of attention and others simply moved on.
I rarely notice my number of followers, but now that it is over 500 I begin to feel a trepidation, because I do want to continue to grow as a person and to share that growth and yet I see very little activity on the posts. Should I care? Why does it worry me? These are the actual things that worry me, why I should or should not care.
That sounds silly, I know, but probably one of my largest foibles is over thinking. I tend to analyze and re-analyze a thing until it becomes like a stone washed smooth by the eons of waves over it. It’s silly, I know. And yet, me, myself, I am not unhappy nor directionless. In fact the more I find myself getting a grip on being able to do all the things I set out to learn last year in 1955, the more I find myself wondering why there seems to be less comments. Perhaps I have become pedantic or mundane, or, as I really feel, people simply got bored and moved on. Now, with my high numbered followers, I have just become another statistic in Blog land where individuals go about seeing high numbered followers, they have a blog or an item to sell and then simply ‘add’ themselves. I believe that is an actual tactic to increase ‘traffic’ or whatever the point of many blogs are.
For me, it was really to document my life. I didn’t know or really care at first if anyone ‘heard my silent notations’ but now, as I have been heard and subsequently began to feel it almost an important thing for me to do, now with the comments almost nil, I find myself worried. Why is that? Does it matter? If I did offend, should i be upset? If I am simply old hat now or others are doing what I have done better, should it matter to me? I feel I wanted to still write it all down into a book form one day, but should I bother with that, have I lost my ‘window’ as the modern marketing world would have it. “Get in there, grab there interest, and then BLAM hit em with product and a book!” Is that what anything is about these days? Did I do wrong by not seeking out advertisers to put on my page? Was I suppose to do that? Am I suppose to make my blog more flashy? I honestly don’t know.
I don’t know, I guess if there are any of you out there still reading and just not commenting, should I care? Am I merely being silly? And, if no one really is listening any more, how much of this recording is for them and how much for me? Would I merely stop if no one was listening? When did it become more for others than myself? Is this the odd addiction or game that is subsequent to all bloggers? I don’t know.
Well, that is enough of that today. I have a 4th of July dinner for which to prepare. We are having a few friends over and then will watch the olde time band and boat parade on the old mill pond on the 4th. It should be hometown fun. But, will my answer to this post, if it were no comments therefore meaning I am talking to an empty room, mean sadness? Or the freedom from the need to document my life rather than just live it be a happy one? Does our life have more value to us (we modern people) if we can see it on a screen? Are we so plugged in that what we do, our food cooked, rooms decorated, like lived, not become REAL until it appears on that screen or in that digital camera? Odd.